Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Visiting A Bitch: Tha Sea Walrus

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"Dramma has a way of following a Nigga"
Tha BossMack TopSoil

After leaving my Nigga Big Swivel I found myself at tha Starbucks in my Hood, Oh yes there is now a Starbucks in my Hood, unbelievable. I was in tha drive through ordering my signature drink, three shots on ice when I go a call from Trichelle or should I say Tee. Anyways, Tee said she had fried some chicken and asked if I want to pick up a plate. I was like "Fuck it, I'll be there in a minute", I pulled up at her new tilt 15 minutes later, in Watts, a Nice part of Watts tho, or at least it seemed like a nice part. A person from another state might feel as tho Watts was a nice place to live if you took the community Tee lived in at face value, the community consisted of newly constructed 2 story homes, with manicured lawns and luxury vehicles in almost every driveway, very deceptive.

I parked my truck infront of her Egg Shell colored domicile, As I made my way to her front door her sprinkler system came to life abruptly causing me side step a drenching. I knocked on her expensive Oak door, A voice within beckoned me to enter. I walked into her living room and it was an action packed situation, tha pungent aroma of good purple and fried chicken punched up my nostrils. Tha 50 inch flatscreen on tha living room was on BET, music filled tha room from invisible speakers, A beautiful walnut brown bitch with ultra white teeth was talking shit and braiding a bitches hair that looked like a Sea Walrus with expensive clothing. Three little kids were chasing each other around tha three yellow leather couches in tha living room. Two other bitches were sitting on tha couches and another bitch was at tha dinning room table rolling a blunt while another blunt was being passed around tha room. Trichelle yelled from tha kitchen "Top come in here and let me fix you a plate" I walked into her kitchen and had to appreciate tha beauty of Tee, Hair up in a bun revealing tha majesty of her neck, the creamy smoothness of her mocha colored skin, the perfectly manicured size 7 feet protected from tha floor by canary yellow DKNY flip flops, the way her snow white teeth flashed when opened and closed her mouth while speaking, tha cut off daisy duke shorts that revealed her athletic legs, tha way she handled tha multi-tasking of cooking and tha big, clear, pretty, moist brown eyes that had a way of looking through you. I said "You lookin' Good Tee, how it be?" she smiled and hugged me without touching with her hands. Once she released me I turned and grabbed a hot piece of chicken, a breast to be exact and paper towel, Tee wiggled into tha dinning room and grabbed a blunt that was circling the room. I sat at tha dinning room table and faced tha kitchen, Tee made her way back to tha kitchen and made me a heavy plate.

Tha bitches in tha living room had me rolling talkin shit about muthafuckas I didn't know, I finished my piece of chicken, I looked up and Tee was waving for me to follow her up stairs. I followed her to her forrest green painted Master Bedroom, she went into her bathroom, washed her hands and re-entered tha room, she pushed me back on her embroidered comforter and found my swipe, she massaged her tonsils with my swipe until it caught hiccups, she drank my children.

My legs were wobbly, I felt like she stole some of my life force, I heard rumbling from the living room. Me and Tee both ran down stairs, when I entered tha living room, There was a Nigga in tha living room wearing powder blue vans, blue Dickey shorts, and a powder blue and orange Bathing Ape Hoodie. He was trying to pull tha bitch that looked like a Sea Walrus off of one of tha bitches that was on tha couch, By tha time he was able to get Sea Walrus off tha otha bitch, tha otha bitch was completely unconscious. Sea Walrus turned on tha Nigga and rushed him, he was able to put her in a head lock and get her outside. Tee was yelling at everyone trying to find out what happened, tha bitch on tha ground began to come to, tha otha bitches helped her to tha bathroom, Sea Walrus was out side talking about she was gonna kill tha bitch and tha nigga, a crowd began to form outside, I yelled at tha Nigga and said "Tha Police are comming, yall need to shake", Tee came outside and started yelling at Sea Walrus, Sea Walrus was scared of Tee, Tee wanted to fade cause Sea Walrus had disrespected her house. I held Tee back, soon tha bitch that was knocked out came outside with a serious couple a knots on forhead that gave her an Elephant man look, she wanted to resume tha fight, when Sea Walrus saw her she went to another level, tha Nigga came through with tha tackle. He kept tha bitch pinned on tha ground until she ran out of energy. Next thing you know, tha Police pulled up, One car, then two more, now I wished I hadn't came by this bitches house. Tha police instantly snatched up tha Nigga with tha powder blue vans, handcuffed him and put him in tha back seat, then they got me, handcuffed me too, then put me in tha back seat with him. Sea Walrus was placed in another car and tha police began to question Tee and tha otha bitches, while in tha back seat I asked powder blue vans what tha fuck happened? He said "Damn Big Homie, tha Bitch you saw me holding down on tha ground is my Babymama, we don't fuck around no more tho, I'm cool on that bitch homie, I came through to check on my new broad, tha bitch she was fighting, I didn't even know my Babymama was even over here, MAN! She saw me speak to my new broad and she just rushed tha bitch, thats on everything, I'm not trying to disrespect tha homegurls new house and shit, I can't believe that bitch". I said "Nigga I can't believe I'm in tha back of a fucken police car rocking cuffs" I really didn't feel like going to jail, but whoever feels like going to jail? I started to wonder if I may have had any warrants out there, tha a policeman came to tha car and let me out, they began to search my pockets, I said "Hey, I got a bag of purple in my back pocket" tha policeman said "Were not worried about tha weed, are you on parole or probation and do you have any weapons" I said "No" he said "If you lie to me, you are going to jail tonite" I said "Whatever you want to do, I understand tha Law", they went and ransacked my truck, then they came back and let me go, oh and they let me keep my Purple.

When tha smoke cleared Sea Walrus went to jail along with her Babydaddy, Tee pledged to beat tha shit outta Sea Walrus when she saw her again. We all headed back into tha house, tha bitches straightened up tha livingroom, they twisted a fresh blunt, we all smoked and laughed at tha shit we had just experienced.


JayBee said...

That's some hood sh@t. I'm mad you called the girl sea walrus. She can't look that bad. I also was crackin up when I read that part about catching hiccups. Classic.

LadyShay said...

Damn Boss- a sea walrus for real??

See what you get for tryin to eat some fried chicken! And why did they take powder blue dude? He wasn't in the wrong.

BossMack said...

He had Warrants for traffic shit.

Anonymous said...

Hope your advice works for whiteys!

alexis b. said...

you sound kinda weak in this entry

BossMack said...

@alexis b. How you figa that?

The God said...

Yeah God this entry was funny as fuck.

Ain't it amazing how things can get heated in the blink of an eye.

I don't see why Alexis B is saying you sound kinda weak.

Peace & Much Prosperity God

Anonymous said...

WHAT IT DO!!! IT's Yah gurl D CRUNK from philly!!!

Glad to see you still bloggen

MississippiMac said...

Good post!! Yeah we got a few sea walruses down here too... They are always getting their hair done... lol

Blah Blah Blah said...

...but why didn't you and T got back upstairs afterwards?
I think it's the weather...makes me horny...rain and thiunder are sorta sexy to

Good story..
..babymama's suck. Well...let me rephrase that...bitchassbabymama'sthatcausetroubleratherthanmovingthefuckonwiththeirlives suck.

Blah Blah Blah said...


Kaprice said...

LOL. Very funny yet so random. What a way such a nice day can get fucked up in a few seconds.

Awesome Randomness said...