Monday, March 10, 2008

Tha Portrait Of Mr. Fuck-A-Lot

Sweet Meat

Tha BossMack TopSoil was posted at Simply Wholesome on Slauson Blvd, which is right down tha street from Crenshaw Blvd, infn ya don't know bout tha Los Angeles area. I was enjoying an ultra expensive high protein shake observing tha beautiful women that streamed in an out tha spot, I love that side of town. Tha sun was high in tha sky, It was warm, bitches were almost naked, then in walks a familiar bitch, Barniesha. Now before you fall out laughing at that name, mind you, it tripped me out when I first heard that shit too. When I met her I asked her was her pops named Barney or some shit, to my surprise she said his name was Earl, I was like Damn.

Anyways Barniesha is a cool bitch, she is real cute and extra thick, I won't say she's fat, she's extra thick and firm. Tha bitch is about 5 feet tall with tiny pretty feet, If you from tha old school she kinda looks like a Weeble Wooble, I be wondering if she's gonna fall over, but she never does. I should have recognized her little Black CLK when she pulled in tha parking lot. When she saw me she let out a high pitched squeal and came over to my table, I said "What's Good BB, them Vans is hot" she said "Nigga these ain't Vans, these is Emerica's with an E" I said "Okay Babygurl, my bad, I know you stays ahead of tha game" she laughed and said "What you doing up here by yourself, one of these desperate hoez is gonna try to eat yo Black Ass" I said "Man, I'm just enjoying tha afternoon loved one, Oh and staying healthy" then I took anotha sip from my shake. She gave tha BossMack a good hug, then I said "What's Good wit your relative, that Nigga Tray, I saw him a few months ago he was supposed to get at me and he never did" she said "Oh, he definitely will not be doing that, he's locked up, I think he got like about 2 or 3 years" I was like "What tha Fuck, get tha Fuck outta here, he was a working Nigga, he had tha good job at tha World Trade Center he was straight". She said "Yeah, but he got caught up in some bullshit at tha job and got fired, then he started back hustlin, His gurl wasn't feeling that shit, They had a big fight and he beat tha shit outta her, when tha police came they caught him with a couple of ounces of powder" I was like "Dammmm".

My Nigga Tray AKA Mr. Fuck-A-Lot

I met my Nigga Tray about 7 years ago working security at tha door of a club one of my peoples was promoting. I came to tha club that night with four bad bitches and one of'em was feeling that nigga, I went and told him tha buisness and we were cool ever since. Tray was a Deesil Ass Nigga for real, he was one of them Niggas that LOVED to fight, he was a good 6-1 and weight round bouts 185-190 all lean muscle with big caloused hands that looked like he picked up hot charcol outta barbeque pits. Tray was tha first Nigga I ever met that was involved in Ultimate Fighting as a fighter, he had won several matches before he retired from that. I used to ask that nigga, "Nigga, why you quit doing that shit?" he was like "Man, after you've been off work for months trainning and you pay your trainner and other corner people after tha fight, you realize that you make more money working a regular job". Tray was a cool ass nigga, he could have been on some Kimbo Slice shit and made alot of paper. Anyways two things Tray loved, was Fighting and Fucking, truth be told I don''t know which one of those things he liked tha most. I use to always try to tell him to slow his roll on tha pursuit of puzzy, but he wasn't hearing me. This is why I gave him tha name Mr. Fuck-A-Lot, and please believe me when I say I was clowning him when I gave him that name, he loved it tho. It's a cold thang to cause tha pursuit of puzzy set off tha chain of events that got my Nigga an extended vacation in Jamestown.

According to Barniesha, whom I met through Tray, this is what happened. Tray was tha Lead Security Supervisor at tha World Trade Center In Downtown Los Angeles, responsible for a crew of 20 Guards. Now even tho Tray had tremendous responsibility on tha job, he always found time to hook up with various bitches throughout tha building and Fuck. This nigga was fucking at least 7 different bitches at tha same time in tha same office building, my nigga was on some serious mandingo shit. Some of tha bitches even knew of each other and compared notes on his fucking skills. Then also on top of those bitches at his job, he was fucking a gang of otha bitches, all while living with his Bitch, my nigga was off tha hook.

Tray was convinced that his Dick could make a bitch do anything, I gave up trying to tell him tha truth, which is "You cannot control bitches with Dick alone", he wasn't trying to hear that shit. Tray eventually started feeling one bitch over tha rest of tha bitches, a little asian bitch named Vanessa. Him and Vanessa hooked up to fuck for lunch all tha time, One hitch, Vanessa had a fiance and her whole entire office knew about that. Vanessa was strung out on tha dick tho and couldn't stop fucking Tray, meanwhile Tray was falling in love with tha bitch, so one day he decides to send tha bitch flowers. This Nigga breaks bread for 2 dozen roses and writes in tha card "You know you love me baby, I Fuck you way better than your fiance, and you know it" and sends them to tha wrong Vanessa on tha wrong floor. Tha Vanessa he sends them to was a ugly 50 somthing lesbian lawyer bitch that only wears black power suites and is always pissed off, when she got tha flowers and read tha card she was pissed and went to tha managment office and blew up tha spot. They put 2 and 2 togther and went to tha real Vanessa's office and gave her tha flowers and confronted her, and can you guess what she did when they did that? She turned around and said Tray was stalking her, she never had sex with him and that she was scared of him and didn't know what to do, Oh and she said all of this while she was crying, Mr. Fuck-A-Lot got fired on tha spot.

I was like "Wow, that was some expensive Puzzy, it must a been tha shit" I laughed and shook my head, I said "BB, if you talk to that Nigga give him my number and I'll put somthing on his books".


BUNNOBB said...

LMBPAO...TOPSIZZLE...damn a classic right here...tender dick mofos...whoa...I hope that nigga some of them broads puttin something on his books,since he was beating it up reaal nice like.Damn the Asian broad broads...damn all in the same bldg?I cant stop laughin...once again only the bossmack could tell it the way IT needs tobe told....stay mackin nigga...

That Girl Tam said...

I fell out laughing before I could get to the part where you tell me not to.

I just wanna know how come all the chics you know have the STRANGEST names...BARNIESHA? OMG! I thought the other ones were bad...this one pretty much did it for

Ok and I'm SUPER mad that you compared her to a fuckin WEEBLE WOBBLE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That's some cold shit

Sha Boogie said...

Daaaamn! You sure know how to string a story together, that was too funny, what a mess! A perfect example of not thinking with your mind..instead of your penis..

LadyShay said...

That's what dippin your stick in too many honey pots gets you. Nuttin but damn trouble!

Mizrepresent said...

OMG! U have the funniest stories, i swear! Better than tv or HBO!

Anonymous said...

Seriously dude this story is superb and epic, have you considered writing a urban novel. or even a collection of short stories.

some of your events make gr8 reading.

you should get a publisher you have a talent for story writing.